Yes! I've lived this process as a young broke person in a shared flat where 4 of us actually *shared one large bedroom* (4 single beds in it, super cheap rent) and a small flat. And witnessed young adults in the family now going through the same journey, picking up people skills, building community, making friendships. I sometimes think that one of the unintended consequences of the current housing crisis (which is, for sure, a vile thing, from property speculation to grasping landlords) will be the building of rhizomic networks of solidarity and connection. The upcoming generation could be way less individualistic than past ones - and that will be a wholly good thing.
I also shared a room once in a flat -- was truly a time to remember! I really hope you are right about the upcoming generations. Love "rhizomic networks of solidarity" as a phrase.
I love what you’re unpacking here. I do want to add that I think most people misunderstand what boundaries are. In my lexicon a boundary is another word for a choice I make from what I really want to do. I don’t understand why other people refer to putting up a boundary. I guess they must be saying that they don’t wanna do something? This is because I believe that boundaries have nothing to do with behavior, change requests and control.
Came here to say something similar. I feel that sometimes the concept of “boundaries” gets misused in our therapized culture. Boundaries are the result of taking responsibility for your own energy and needs — not being codependent or vampiric with how you get your emotional needs met or seek to meet others’. Communicating openly when you can’t meet a need or when you have one. That’s super helpful and necessary in a house share situation. What we need less of is the shutting down and giving up when things get difficult, which people may put the label of boundaries upon but is actually something else.
I love this post and found it very valuable — thank you Rosie!
Excellent post, Alice and Rosie. I haven’t lived in a house share for a few decades since I was a student, but there are still things that I miss about the environment and the friends I lived with. We had so much fun! But I especially remember the fact that we all looked out for one another.
Thank you for this interview, Rosie. It's definitely getting me thinking about other contexts as I have long been out of roommate situations (although as many of us know, kids are the worst roommates in the history of man). I just keeping coming back to the investment piece and how many places we choose to invest even just a little. Thank you, my brain will be coming back to this idea all day, I am sure.
Great interview- love the idea that it can be something positive and that we should stop stifling things that aren’t working for us. Can’t wait to read this!
A truism I've realised with flatmates is that often "the only way out is through". Getting to know someone, caring about their day, habits, and values (even when exhausted or bored) will make you infinitely more equipped to handle conflict as well as build a comforting home base.
yes, this reminds me of something one of the experts I interviewed for my book said... she advised to ask yourself daily - or more - 'am I going to let this small thing ruin our friendship?' I think it's a useful way of finding perspective and being able to have a conversation, rather than catastrophise
Thank you for doing this interview. This book seems practical, relational, and hopeful. I just preordered it for our daughter, who began house-hacking this month. She bought a large townhouse and hopes to rent four of the five bedrooms out, leaving one for herself. She has a long history of sharing houses with friends and strangers. I know she'll love this.
Yes! I've lived this process as a young broke person in a shared flat where 4 of us actually *shared one large bedroom* (4 single beds in it, super cheap rent) and a small flat. And witnessed young adults in the family now going through the same journey, picking up people skills, building community, making friendships. I sometimes think that one of the unintended consequences of the current housing crisis (which is, for sure, a vile thing, from property speculation to grasping landlords) will be the building of rhizomic networks of solidarity and connection. The upcoming generation could be way less individualistic than past ones - and that will be a wholly good thing.
I also shared a room once in a flat -- was truly a time to remember! I really hope you are right about the upcoming generations. Love "rhizomic networks of solidarity" as a phrase.
I love what you’re unpacking here. I do want to add that I think most people misunderstand what boundaries are. In my lexicon a boundary is another word for a choice I make from what I really want to do. I don’t understand why other people refer to putting up a boundary. I guess they must be saying that they don’t wanna do something? This is because I believe that boundaries have nothing to do with behavior, change requests and control.
Came here to say something similar. I feel that sometimes the concept of “boundaries” gets misused in our therapized culture. Boundaries are the result of taking responsibility for your own energy and needs — not being codependent or vampiric with how you get your emotional needs met or seek to meet others’. Communicating openly when you can’t meet a need or when you have one. That’s super helpful and necessary in a house share situation. What we need less of is the shutting down and giving up when things get difficult, which people may put the label of boundaries upon but is actually something else.
I love this post and found it very valuable — thank you Rosie!
Excellent post, Alice and Rosie. I haven’t lived in a house share for a few decades since I was a student, but there are still things that I miss about the environment and the friends I lived with. We had so much fun! But I especially remember the fact that we all looked out for one another.
Wonderful topic - thanks Rosie and Alice.
Thank you for this interview, Rosie. It's definitely getting me thinking about other contexts as I have long been out of roommate situations (although as many of us know, kids are the worst roommates in the history of man). I just keeping coming back to the investment piece and how many places we choose to invest even just a little. Thank you, my brain will be coming back to this idea all day, I am sure.
I'm so glad it resonated. I actually had this thought this morning: I should've mentioned in the piece that toddlers / kids are terrible roommates!
Great interview- love the idea that it can be something positive and that we should stop stifling things that aren’t working for us. Can’t wait to read this!
A truism I've realised with flatmates is that often "the only way out is through". Getting to know someone, caring about their day, habits, and values (even when exhausted or bored) will make you infinitely more equipped to handle conflict as well as build a comforting home base.
Excited to read this!!
yes, this reminds me of something one of the experts I interviewed for my book said... she advised to ask yourself daily - or more - 'am I going to let this small thing ruin our friendship?' I think it's a useful way of finding perspective and being able to have a conversation, rather than catastrophise
Thank you for doing this interview. This book seems practical, relational, and hopeful. I just preordered it for our daughter, who began house-hacking this month. She bought a large townhouse and hopes to rent four of the five bedrooms out, leaving one for herself. She has a long history of sharing houses with friends and strangers. I know she'll love this.
Hello Bryce
Thank you so much for preordering my book for your daughter. I do hope she finds it useful - and maybe her new housemates will too!