Land is a commodity and I'll live where the fuck I want. My neighbors talk shit about each other non-stop but we have each other's backs. Your bs stereotyping is way off, and don't presume to speak for rural America, Viroquan.
Land is a commodity and I'll live where the fuck I want. My neighbors talk shit about each other non-stop but we have each other's backs. Your bs stereotyping is way off, and don't presume to speak for rural America, Viroquan.
I thought your comment was very insightful. I was raised rurally in childhood, then small town, then a committed city mouse at 17. I’m almost 50 and the biggest thing that stopped me from moving out of the city was my knowledge AND experience that a lot of hostility towards “outsiders” and “yuppies” etc etc exists. I couldn’t commit to a lonely existence (or lack of a library).
Thank you. I've definitely enjoyed city life with its freedom and anonymity, but I also envy the sense of belonging and roots that some of my neighbors have in my small town. Here anybody without several generations and a road with their name in town is a newcomer, so there's plenty of company. Those who marry in to the clans don't even quite rate. It's not about money or social status, just hard working families who are rightly proud of their self sufficiency and their ways. I've never felt hostility, but the road less traveled does make a difference when it comes to fitting in. Luckily there's high tolerance for eccentricity!
GenXer here. Born and raised in a smallish coastal city on the border of LA and OC. It was (and still is) a fairly provincial town. My family roots were planted in Southern CA well before the turn of the *last* century; and most of them (and my childhood pals) are still there, and can’t imagine living anywhere else.
Being the proverbial black sheep of my familial “tribe”, I broke with tradition and got the hell out of CA as soon as I graduated. I’ve lived in SE Arizona, upstate NY, and central PA. Twice in Europe during college. Even moved back “home” to Cali in 2000 to care for my then elderly parents until they died 8 years later, by which time I was also a single mom.
Deep in grief, but finally set free from any obligation or inclination to stay, I did what had always come naturally to me. I lobbed a dart at the map, and got the hell out of CA, again.
That toss of the dart landed me & my cherubic toddler in Seattle almost two decades ago.
It wasn’t a totally out of the blue consideration, however. As an occasional visitor over my many years of wandering, the PNW had long felt like a “True North”. In fact, before my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I’d already been planning to leave Tucson and head in this general direction. But it’s since become the place I call HOME, and I (like my SoCal kin some 1,149 miles to the south) simply cannot imagine living anywhere else.
Alas, Seattle has since became hella expensive and crowded, ever more so now that all the hotter climate tech bro refugees with money to burn have “discovered” it and moved here.
Being the restless aforementioned black sheep that I am, I wanted a quieter life - with a small town “feel”, where my kid could safely explore the woods and the beaches without fear, with decent schools, more space between us and our neighbors, but that was still only a hop/skip/jump away from the Big City (and all that can also provide a developing child). So, I packed up my 7 year old and moved us across the East Passage to a rural island accessible only by ferry boat.
That was almost 10 years ago, and here is where I shall finally get to my long-winded point.
I think you’re spot on about many of the “complications” of living in a small town... BUT, telling someone to eff off and calling them a bitch isn’t exactly helpful. It certainly won’t change their heart or mind about who THEY are, or how THEY feel about the place they chose to move to (whatever their reasons were for doing so).
Gentrification is a thing everywhere. Rich people move into poorer areas of cities because there is a vibe of community there (and cool old buildings that are cheaper to buy than in the richer and more “established” parts of town). Other rich people move to smaller/rural areas because there is community there as well - and maybe for both these groups, it’s a place that simply reminds them of towns they, or their parents &/or grandparents, grew up in.
And yes, many of them most certainly (albeit, naively) probably *do* think they can just plop themselves into the middle of that charming new locale and instantly fit in. And no, as you also pointed out, they more often than not, can’t and won’t fit in, won’t be accepted by the locals who’ve been there forever and ever. To survive this snubbing, they’ll seek out and find fellowship with the other newbies. They will buy up old houses with buckets of cold hard cash and put fences around them (driving up the cost of housing), because they still have their citified thinking. They’ll also open up new businesses and create new organizations or clubs for themselves that the “Townies” (aka old timers, locals, OGs) will loathe and make fun of (while secretly wishing they had the cojones and capital to do the same).
Or, the newbies will pack it in within 1-3 years out of sheer frustration, loneliness, and a deep misjudgment of what it actually takes to live and make deep connections in such an insular and inhospitable community, bailing out with their carpetbags and fancy coffee drinks, back to whence they came. Always seeking, but never finding true Community.
This is particularly true of anyone who never grew up, nor learned to exist, in a place where nuance, compromise, suiting up and showing up for friends and neighbors (despite the myriad petty gossip and grievances that have abounded for decades, if not generations), etc. precisely because those things run DEEP - and everyone knows it in their very bones already. They learned it at their grandparents knees, on the playground, at church socials, volunteering for the local fire department, and so on.
I would respectively argue however that there actually is a way “in” for the newbies... but it’s going to take a tremendous amount of hard work, perseverance, repeated overtures (with lots of hurt feelings along the way) to make friends and create connections. Years, if not decades, of consistently swallowing those big city ways of thinking (where it’s all about being self-sufficient, and never asking for help), and softening up to the notion that in the end, Community is really all about one for all, and all for one.
We really do need to get off our smartphones, and take the iPads out of the hands of our kids (just a modern day version of the TVs my generation was anesthetized on) and go outside! We need to start practicing people-ing skills at the office water cooler or our local Five and Dime (whatever that looks like in the Roaring 2020s and beyond).
Newbies have something to offer, but so do the locals. Get to know each other, or at the very least, fake it till you make it!
Read up on the history of the place you live - even if you’ve lived there for years. Be open to random interactions with your neighbors. Try out one of those new fangled restaurants or businesses. Volunteer. Be of service. Plant some trees. Pick up trash. Donate to a *local* non-profit whose mission is to help *local* folks or causes. Make eye contact and small talk, it won’t kill you (even if it feels like it will - especially to my kids generation who are afraid of EVERYTHING). Smile more, but also, don’t be afraid to say “No!” to obvious bullshittery or cronyism when you see it.
Change is good, but so is tradition. Somewhere in the middle of all this division lies the truth of what community can and should be.
It’s been a brutally hard (and ever evolving) series of lessons for me to learn since moving to this small town rural island community that I get to call home, in a world that is (seemingly) being ripped apart at the seams. As I enter my 3rd act of this thing called life, I worry I won’t be able to hold on to what I’ve built here - but damn, I’m trying. Because what is the alternative?!
And with that long missive, I shall close by saying thank you to the OP for this insightful & thought-provoking piece. You’re a good 20 years younger than me, and even though I already know what it’s like to have single-parented a 3-year old when I was in my early 40s, I admit to knowing almost nothing about what it’s like to be 30-something married parent of a toddler in 2023 (assuming I read as well as I blather on and on and on).
Lastly, if I’ve learned nothing else since moving to a small rural island community, it’s that I’m at least willing to be curious - and that maybe, just maybe, it might be worth it to attempt making lasting and meaningful connections with other humans again (difficult as that might be with anxiety and ADHD, not to mention all my big fat opinions and pre-conceived notions). You know, like we used to do in the Before Times (before kids, before COVID, smartphones, aging parents, political division, the interwebs, etc.). If we did it before, we can surely learn to do it again, right?!
So, consider me a new acquaintance. It’s nice to meet you! 🤝
Land is a commodity and I'll live where the fuck I want. My neighbors talk shit about each other non-stop but we have each other's backs. Your bs stereotyping is way off, and don't presume to speak for rural America, Viroquan.
I thought your comment was very insightful. I was raised rurally in childhood, then small town, then a committed city mouse at 17. I’m almost 50 and the biggest thing that stopped me from moving out of the city was my knowledge AND experience that a lot of hostility towards “outsiders” and “yuppies” etc etc exists. I couldn’t commit to a lonely existence (or lack of a library).
Thank you. I've definitely enjoyed city life with its freedom and anonymity, but I also envy the sense of belonging and roots that some of my neighbors have in my small town. Here anybody without several generations and a road with their name in town is a newcomer, so there's plenty of company. Those who marry in to the clans don't even quite rate. It's not about money or social status, just hard working families who are rightly proud of their self sufficiency and their ways. I've never felt hostility, but the road less traveled does make a difference when it comes to fitting in. Luckily there's high tolerance for eccentricity!
GenXer here. Born and raised in a smallish coastal city on the border of LA and OC. It was (and still is) a fairly provincial town. My family roots were planted in Southern CA well before the turn of the *last* century; and most of them (and my childhood pals) are still there, and can’t imagine living anywhere else.
Being the proverbial black sheep of my familial “tribe”, I broke with tradition and got the hell out of CA as soon as I graduated. I’ve lived in SE Arizona, upstate NY, and central PA. Twice in Europe during college. Even moved back “home” to Cali in 2000 to care for my then elderly parents until they died 8 years later, by which time I was also a single mom.
Deep in grief, but finally set free from any obligation or inclination to stay, I did what had always come naturally to me. I lobbed a dart at the map, and got the hell out of CA, again.
That toss of the dart landed me & my cherubic toddler in Seattle almost two decades ago.
It wasn’t a totally out of the blue consideration, however. As an occasional visitor over my many years of wandering, the PNW had long felt like a “True North”. In fact, before my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I’d already been planning to leave Tucson and head in this general direction. But it’s since become the place I call HOME, and I (like my SoCal kin some 1,149 miles to the south) simply cannot imagine living anywhere else.
Alas, Seattle has since became hella expensive and crowded, ever more so now that all the hotter climate tech bro refugees with money to burn have “discovered” it and moved here.
Being the restless aforementioned black sheep that I am, I wanted a quieter life - with a small town “feel”, where my kid could safely explore the woods and the beaches without fear, with decent schools, more space between us and our neighbors, but that was still only a hop/skip/jump away from the Big City (and all that can also provide a developing child). So, I packed up my 7 year old and moved us across the East Passage to a rural island accessible only by ferry boat.
That was almost 10 years ago, and here is where I shall finally get to my long-winded point.
I think you’re spot on about many of the “complications” of living in a small town... BUT, telling someone to eff off and calling them a bitch isn’t exactly helpful. It certainly won’t change their heart or mind about who THEY are, or how THEY feel about the place they chose to move to (whatever their reasons were for doing so).
Gentrification is a thing everywhere. Rich people move into poorer areas of cities because there is a vibe of community there (and cool old buildings that are cheaper to buy than in the richer and more “established” parts of town). Other rich people move to smaller/rural areas because there is community there as well - and maybe for both these groups, it’s a place that simply reminds them of towns they, or their parents &/or grandparents, grew up in.
And yes, many of them most certainly (albeit, naively) probably *do* think they can just plop themselves into the middle of that charming new locale and instantly fit in. And no, as you also pointed out, they more often than not, can’t and won’t fit in, won’t be accepted by the locals who’ve been there forever and ever. To survive this snubbing, they’ll seek out and find fellowship with the other newbies. They will buy up old houses with buckets of cold hard cash and put fences around them (driving up the cost of housing), because they still have their citified thinking. They’ll also open up new businesses and create new organizations or clubs for themselves that the “Townies” (aka old timers, locals, OGs) will loathe and make fun of (while secretly wishing they had the cojones and capital to do the same).
Or, the newbies will pack it in within 1-3 years out of sheer frustration, loneliness, and a deep misjudgment of what it actually takes to live and make deep connections in such an insular and inhospitable community, bailing out with their carpetbags and fancy coffee drinks, back to whence they came. Always seeking, but never finding true Community.
This is particularly true of anyone who never grew up, nor learned to exist, in a place where nuance, compromise, suiting up and showing up for friends and neighbors (despite the myriad petty gossip and grievances that have abounded for decades, if not generations), etc. precisely because those things run DEEP - and everyone knows it in their very bones already. They learned it at their grandparents knees, on the playground, at church socials, volunteering for the local fire department, and so on.
I would respectively argue however that there actually is a way “in” for the newbies... but it’s going to take a tremendous amount of hard work, perseverance, repeated overtures (with lots of hurt feelings along the way) to make friends and create connections. Years, if not decades, of consistently swallowing those big city ways of thinking (where it’s all about being self-sufficient, and never asking for help), and softening up to the notion that in the end, Community is really all about one for all, and all for one.
We really do need to get off our smartphones, and take the iPads out of the hands of our kids (just a modern day version of the TVs my generation was anesthetized on) and go outside! We need to start practicing people-ing skills at the office water cooler or our local Five and Dime (whatever that looks like in the Roaring 2020s and beyond).
Newbies have something to offer, but so do the locals. Get to know each other, or at the very least, fake it till you make it!
Read up on the history of the place you live - even if you’ve lived there for years. Be open to random interactions with your neighbors. Try out one of those new fangled restaurants or businesses. Volunteer. Be of service. Plant some trees. Pick up trash. Donate to a *local* non-profit whose mission is to help *local* folks or causes. Make eye contact and small talk, it won’t kill you (even if it feels like it will - especially to my kids generation who are afraid of EVERYTHING). Smile more, but also, don’t be afraid to say “No!” to obvious bullshittery or cronyism when you see it.
Change is good, but so is tradition. Somewhere in the middle of all this division lies the truth of what community can and should be.
It’s been a brutally hard (and ever evolving) series of lessons for me to learn since moving to this small town rural island community that I get to call home, in a world that is (seemingly) being ripped apart at the seams. As I enter my 3rd act of this thing called life, I worry I won’t be able to hold on to what I’ve built here - but damn, I’m trying. Because what is the alternative?!
And with that long missive, I shall close by saying thank you to the OP for this insightful & thought-provoking piece. You’re a good 20 years younger than me, and even though I already know what it’s like to have single-parented a 3-year old when I was in my early 40s, I admit to knowing almost nothing about what it’s like to be 30-something married parent of a toddler in 2023 (assuming I read as well as I blather on and on and on).
Lastly, if I’ve learned nothing else since moving to a small rural island community, it’s that I’m at least willing to be curious - and that maybe, just maybe, it might be worth it to attempt making lasting and meaningful connections with other humans again (difficult as that might be with anxiety and ADHD, not to mention all my big fat opinions and pre-conceived notions). You know, like we used to do in the Before Times (before kids, before COVID, smartphones, aging parents, political division, the interwebs, etc.). If we did it before, we can surely learn to do it again, right?!
So, consider me a new acquaintance. It’s nice to meet you! 🤝
THE LAST GENS CHANGED THE WORLD LEARNINGS BEHAVIORS TOO.EVERYTHING ACCEPTABLE NOW IN 2023..NO RESPECT COURTESY NEW NORM FOR FUTURE
SAD.SAD.SAD
Commodification of Everything