After a lifetime of struggling with my own sleep, the wild, crazy-making, unhinged world of baby and toddler sleep has been a great teacher for me. Turns out we’re all just big toddlers.
This made me laugh- so, so relatable! After my first child, my anxiety would grow as the sun would set each night. I expected multiple nighttime wakings and the anticipatory dread was almost as bad as the actual nighttime wakings. My bedtime routine looks almost identical to yours now and this has been a lifeline!
Thank you for sharing! I recently read ‘the women’s guide to overcoming insomnia’, it teaches CBT techniques to over come insomnia, similar to what worked for you, in case anyone is looking for further reading. The techniques have really improved my sleep as a middle aged mom who thought I would always sleep poorly!
An Epsom salt bath also helps with magnesium as does the oil. Both really help with night cramps , which wake me up…but you are too young for all of that. Thanks Rosie , enjoyed your article and sleep habits really do pay off. Ideally being in bed by 10.pm is optimum.
It helps a ton with my Restless Leg Syndrome as well, and the nursing aversion that I developed during my last pregnancy. It’s a powerhouse supplement, orally or topically.
Super helpful piece, Rosie. Thanks for sharing your tips. I continue to say I suck at sleeping. It’s a struggle that pushed its way into my life in my 40s - must be hormonal 🤷♀️
I have no problem falling asleep - it’s the staying asleep that I suck at.
Like you, I’ve learned through my kids how much I crave and strive on structure. Yet I don’t adhere to a ritualistic evening routine like I do in the morning. Something this post pointed me to. So thanks! 🙏🏼
Yeah that definitely sounds like it could be hormonal! I like this account on IG, she talks a lot about night wakings like this! https://www.instagram.com/healthwithholland
It’s probably old enough that it’s behind a paywall but message me if you’re interested and I’ll send it to you. There were some good strategies from the experts I interviewed in there.
Not at all awkward. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it. I haven't figured out how to message it to you directly. I'm taking the paywall off for the rest of the week.
Thank you so much Kelly! I was so happy to read this piece as I’m also an easy to sleep, hard to stay there struggler. I appreciate you for making it available! I also subscribed - looking forward to future posts!
I'm 74 and have had terrible insomnia since I retired nine years ago. I think I need that structure of a schedule to follow. I plan to try a couple of your suggestions so thanks for the tips!
Thank you so much for sharing this Rosie. Our sons seem to the very close in age, and we suffered in the same way as you did until we found what worked best! I really enjoyed reading your tips and acknowledging what goes well in my life when I implement similar structure. I would be interested in learning more about what the sleep coach methodology if you are still interested in sharing! Thanks again
I’m a lifetime bad sleeper too, thankfully I’m through the baby, toddler and school-run years, but oh boy, they were tough. Some great tips here, thank you! Well done on finding your routine :)
Yes! I was having trouble with insomnia a few years ago, which I had never had before. My PCP sent me to a sleep counselor who told me to do pretty much everything mentioned here. It helped a lot, but I still get insomnia once in a while.
‘If you’ve never been there, you’ve never been there.’ That line hit me. It brought me right back to that time for me, 21 years ago. I felt so isolated and so incapable. Why didn’t my mother warn me? Or my sister? My husband (now ex-) would wake up, too, and demand answers ‘what’s wrong with him?’ and ‘why can’t you get him back to sleep?’ Naturally, I was asking myself the same exact questions, and would send him back to bed becuz what was the point of both of us being up?
Whenever I encounter a new parent, I almost always ask about the sleeping, how they’re doing.
It’s so long ago but I remember it so well. My heart breaks for me. Crazy, right?
Thanks for writing this. I hope it helps many with its logic and wisdom!
Hmmm…this is at least the third time someone has suggested magnesium. I may have to try it. In the past three or four years (perimenopausal ones), I've shifted from being an easy-to-sleep and stay-there sleeper, to a trouble-falling-and-staying-asleep morning grump. Night sweats are partly to blame, I'm sure. Hormones have not been fun for me at ANY stage so far. It's strange how it's all so simple and so complicated all at the same time. But sleep is foundational. I'm glad something is working for you!
I still warn soon-to-be parents on the unimaginable fatigue of a newborn and a 50-hour work week. 'Imagine partying all night for 6 months'. One thing I've noticed, now that my children are in their twenties, is that a strict routine seems to translate into the patterns of their own lives, with activities like studying, working, exercising and - yes - sleeping. This can have both disadvantages as well as advantages, but the behavioural echoes of their very early days do seem to be imprinted in their brains.
Thank you for sharing this. I am also in the midst of “sleep training” an almost one-year-old. I’d love to read the recommendations of your sleep consultant if you don’t mind sharing!
This made me laugh- so, so relatable! After my first child, my anxiety would grow as the sun would set each night. I expected multiple nighttime wakings and the anticipatory dread was almost as bad as the actual nighttime wakings. My bedtime routine looks almost identical to yours now and this has been a lifeline!
Thank you for sharing! I recently read ‘the women’s guide to overcoming insomnia’, it teaches CBT techniques to over come insomnia, similar to what worked for you, in case anyone is looking for further reading. The techniques have really improved my sleep as a middle aged mom who thought I would always sleep poorly!
Magnesium is so underrated! It was a huge factor in improving my insomnia, which was very bad.
Sleep is still far from perfect, but is vastly improved.
Mag glycinate is good, but a few folks may find it better to take in the morning as, odfly enough, it can be stimulating in the short term.
An Epsom salt bath also helps with magnesium as does the oil. Both really help with night cramps , which wake me up…but you are too young for all of that. Thanks Rosie , enjoyed your article and sleep habits really do pay off. Ideally being in bed by 10.pm is optimum.
It helps a ton with my Restless Leg Syndrome as well, and the nursing aversion that I developed during my last pregnancy. It’s a powerhouse supplement, orally or topically.
Super helpful piece, Rosie. Thanks for sharing your tips. I continue to say I suck at sleeping. It’s a struggle that pushed its way into my life in my 40s - must be hormonal 🤷♀️
I have no problem falling asleep - it’s the staying asleep that I suck at.
Like you, I’ve learned through my kids how much I crave and strive on structure. Yet I don’t adhere to a ritualistic evening routine like I do in the morning. Something this post pointed me to. So thanks! 🙏🏼
Yeah that definitely sounds like it could be hormonal! I like this account on IG, she talks a lot about night wakings like this! https://www.instagram.com/healthwithholland
Thanks, Rosie! I'll take a look.
I did a whole series on sleep this winter including one on waking up in the middle of the night that’s here: https://thesundaystretch.substack.com/p/eyes-wide-open-strategies-to-manage
It’s probably old enough that it’s behind a paywall but message me if you’re interested and I’ll send it to you. There were some good strategies from the experts I interviewed in there.
Thanks for sharing :)
Oh, thank you Kelly! Much appreciated. I'll give it a try.
Very awkward to ask, but…if you don’t mind, could you message me the piece, too? It is paywalled and I’m very curious!
Not at all awkward. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it. I haven't figured out how to message it to you directly. I'm taking the paywall off for the rest of the week.
Thank you so much Kelly! I was so happy to read this piece as I’m also an easy to sleep, hard to stay there struggler. I appreciate you for making it available! I also subscribed - looking forward to future posts!
Love this little moment of generosity in the comments!
I'm 74 and have had terrible insomnia since I retired nine years ago. I think I need that structure of a schedule to follow. I plan to try a couple of your suggestions so thanks for the tips!
Thank you so much for sharing this Rosie. Our sons seem to the very close in age, and we suffered in the same way as you did until we found what worked best! I really enjoyed reading your tips and acknowledging what goes well in my life when I implement similar structure. I would be interested in learning more about what the sleep coach methodology if you are still interested in sharing! Thanks again
Can you send me an email if you want the method! rosiespinks@gmail.com
I’m a lifetime bad sleeper too, thankfully I’m through the baby, toddler and school-run years, but oh boy, they were tough. Some great tips here, thank you! Well done on finding your routine :)
Loved this piece, and thanks for sharing The NY Times piece about Merali too
Thanks for sharing! Among other things, I find the 321 method helpful:
Stop eating three hours before bed
Stop drinking liquids two hours before bed
Stop screen time one hour before bed
Those and a good book in bed work a treat!
Oh I should heed the liquid one. Need to add that!
Less nighttime trips to the loo! Just like a toddler 😜
Good column.
Yes! I was having trouble with insomnia a few years ago, which I had never had before. My PCP sent me to a sleep counselor who told me to do pretty much everything mentioned here. It helped a lot, but I still get insomnia once in a while.
‘If you’ve never been there, you’ve never been there.’ That line hit me. It brought me right back to that time for me, 21 years ago. I felt so isolated and so incapable. Why didn’t my mother warn me? Or my sister? My husband (now ex-) would wake up, too, and demand answers ‘what’s wrong with him?’ and ‘why can’t you get him back to sleep?’ Naturally, I was asking myself the same exact questions, and would send him back to bed becuz what was the point of both of us being up?
Whenever I encounter a new parent, I almost always ask about the sleeping, how they’re doing.
It’s so long ago but I remember it so well. My heart breaks for me. Crazy, right?
Thanks for writing this. I hope it helps many with its logic and wisdom!
I just want to give everyone in that stage a hug!
This is spot on. Once I had a kid I realized I needed to sleep train *myself.*
Yes that's exactly it!
I love that you wrote about this. I had severe insomnia for 4 months around the time my daughter turned 6 months old.
As happy as I was that she was sleeping through the night by then, I still wasn’t sleeping, so I knew I need to seek help.
I love your list that you shared here (huge yes for magnesium!), and I want to add a couple things that worked for me:
1. Bedroom for only sleep and sex. I read in a different room until I get sleepy.
2. Check your meds, including BC - it turned out the IUD I had inserted postpartum made my insomnia worse.
3. Exercise - even a walk outside for 20 minutes a day has helped me a lot
Thanks for sharing your story. We need to talk about sleep more, especially for women and parents!
Thank you for sharing! Yes to all your tips. I also had a IUD postpartum that was bad news for me and got taken out less than a year later.
Hmmm…this is at least the third time someone has suggested magnesium. I may have to try it. In the past three or four years (perimenopausal ones), I've shifted from being an easy-to-sleep and stay-there sleeper, to a trouble-falling-and-staying-asleep morning grump. Night sweats are partly to blame, I'm sure. Hormones have not been fun for me at ANY stage so far. It's strange how it's all so simple and so complicated all at the same time. But sleep is foundational. I'm glad something is working for you!
I still warn soon-to-be parents on the unimaginable fatigue of a newborn and a 50-hour work week. 'Imagine partying all night for 6 months'. One thing I've noticed, now that my children are in their twenties, is that a strict routine seems to translate into the patterns of their own lives, with activities like studying, working, exercising and - yes - sleeping. This can have both disadvantages as well as advantages, but the behavioural echoes of their very early days do seem to be imprinted in their brains.
Thank you for sharing this. I am also in the midst of “sleep training” an almost one-year-old. I’d love to read the recommendations of your sleep consultant if you don’t mind sharing!