Don't be a martyr
My partner and I have a saying we remind each other of when the other is working too hard or putting our job’s needs before our own: Don’t be a martyr for capitalism.
The reminder becomes necessary when, say, one of us is trying to work through a migraine or work-related jet lag for no reason. Or we’re trying to meet an unrealistic project deadline that was imposed by a higher-up without thinking of the feasibility of actually getting it done within normal business hours.
As anyone who’s ever been laid off suddenly can tell you, capitalism is not going to go out of its way to take care of you when you cease being useful, so don’t ruin your life in service of it. I feel the same way about people who brag about getting up super early to “get stuff done” — bad for you; great for capitalism.
It’s true that as the ruthless organizing principle of modern life, this system is impossible to escape. But this time of year, it does feel like those of us in the Christmas-celebrating world become overzealous in our attempts to please our capitalist overlords. Getting stressed about measuring up at Christmas, or going into debt to afford things we cannot buy, or buying gifts not out of real intention or generosity but rather obligation are absolutely not necessary. It’s a testament to the all-encompassing strength of this system that we feel like they are.
Whether it’s how we work, or what we eat, or what we buy, it’s impossible for us to wage a perfect resistance to capitalism. Any pressure to do so should be regarded with suspicion; indeed, it’s probably trying to sell you something. But I do think there are ways we can avoid succumbing so completely; this time of year is the perfect time to reexamine our relationship to this system that is often subtly directing our decision-making.
Why do we feel pressure to show our love for others by buying things? Why do we exert ourselves all December until we collapse in a depleted heap before shortly having to start the year all over again? Who are we serving when we spend more money than we can afford? What can we replace that with?
The London-based writer and yoga teacher Chloe George wrote a beautiful newsletter this week about the irony of speeding up when the natural world slows down this time of year. I think her sentiment might be the perfect antidote.
“One way to think about December: countdown until the winter solstice when the dark is at its darkest, when the sun is tilted furthest away from the earth. Moving towards deep winter. When not much is growing and nature has paused - leaves fallen, everything gone to ground, resting now to emerge refreshed further down the line. Do you notice your energy is lower at this time of year? That you feel a call to hibernate? Do you listen to it? …
… It's smart to copy what nature is doing outside the window - we feel more in tune, more connected.”
Inspired by this, I’ve put a moratorium on making any new plans for the rest of December. I’m determined to do literally nothing productive between Christmas and the New Year because blessedly, I don’t have to work. And I want to be really intentional about anything I end up buying in this period. My immediate family, luckily, shed the excessive gift-giving tradition ten years ago, and instead we each buy one nice present for one other person. (You should suggest this to your family because it’s fantastic.)
A friend of mine, Kat Steck, has really great ideas about how to resist the gift-buying insanity — even with little kids involved. I love her text message template for what to say to relatives or friends about gift-giving. You can listen to an interview with more of her great ideas here and follow her second-hand shopping focused Instagram account here.
Capitalism thrives on endless growth, more stuff, progress at all costs. The natural world — and yes, that includes all of us — does not. So don’t be a martyr for capitalism this December. Revel in a small act of resistance by pressing the pause button instead.
(Image via @thejunkyardjournals)
Things I wrote:
If you send me to a conference about luxury I am going to end up writing about climate change and capitalism. I just will.
If it makes you uncomfortable to hear a western blogger describe a trip to Syria — an active war zone — as “rough around the edges” but “the adventure of a lifetime," this article is for you.
I’m back on my bullshit investigating the sustainability and regulation (or lack thereof) of the cruise industry. I truly don’t know why I put myself through this other than the lack of probing coverage of this industry which carries 30 million people per year and spans the entire globe.
Could you go on vacation and not drink alcohol? Some people — the sober curious, as they say — are eschewing pub crawls and nightclubs for early wake-ups and wellness. Reporting this piece really made me think about why I drink.
I love the Modern Elder Academy’s idea of curiosity meeting wisdom, contained in this piece about burnout in the travel industry.
One thing I'm quite passionate about: If your travel plans include viewing wild/exotic animals, you better do a lot of research about that facility beforehand. I wrote about one place that is trying to do it right.
Americans can still travel legally to Cuba, but the Trump administration doesn’t really want you to know that.
Things I read, with extra to get you through the holiday period:
My former colleague Corinne Purtill on mid-life life crises is endlessly quotable — and so hopeful. [Forge]
On being well-known on the internet but poor in real life. [Guardian]
Zadie Smith on getting dressed in London versus NYC is perfect. Please do not invite me over to your house for dinner and answer the door in sweatpants. [Vogue]
On Joe Biden’s stutter. I hope the next generation of leadership — in addition to not being all white and male — will understand that strength comes from showing vulnerability. [The Atlantic]
On the sad and subtle and sometimes sudden ways friendships die. [Longreads]
A look at the politics of the Park Slope food co-op is endlessly entertaining and outlines why I could never, ever live in Brooklyn. [New Yorker]
“Stories like that had always flipped a switch in me, spilling outside the boundaries of the assignment.” This piece is just mesmerizing. [NYT]
The people who appear to have more financial security than you — more frequent holidays, buying property, no student debt etc — probably just have help from their parents. More people should disclose that. [NYT]
On giving up Amazon. I need + plan to do this. [Luke Leighfield]
This piece is complex and has many social and ethical layers but I'm genuinely confused by this: Why do the rich people in San Francisco expect packages not to be stolen if left outside? That’s just common sense here in London. [The Atlantic]
A thread on how to ask for professional favors and introductions. My god, everyone does this so wrong! [Twitter]
Things I enjoyed listening to:
I’ve been thinking a lot about the Hong Kong protestors. Imagine believing in something so deeply you’ll give up everything for it. This American Life helped me understand that. [This American Life]
Monica Lewinsky on Armchair Expert was truly edifying. Perhaps no woman has been more unfairly treated in modern times — and that’s saying something. [Armchair Expert]
I would literally listen to Esther Perel talk about paint drying, but the third season of Where Should We Begin is excellent. In particular this episode of a couple whose relationship worked much better — and was more loving — once they were divorced. [Where Should We Begin]
An endorsement:
One thing that is nice about Christmas time is that it’s an excuse to be extra generous to people who need your help. You already know this, but here’s a reminder: There are SO many people in your immediate community that could use assistance right now. I wrote a thread on Twitter about the best way to specifically help homeless charities this time of year. (It’s not as obvious as you think). It’s based on what I’ve learned from volunteering at North London Action for the Homeless (NLAH) for the last few years, which is a cause I’ve donated to this Christmas.
If you’re looking for a worthy cause in London, I can’t recommend NLAH enough! You can donate to their Christmas meal here, or their general fund here. They run a kitchen garden and provide a vegetarian meal twice a week to whoever needs it — as well as haircuts, showers, yoga, a permanent address for mail (a big problem if you’re homeless). But most importantly, they offer community.
Word Soup:
“It’s the idea that there is no cause or fault of the sorrow. It’s that you don’t have to reorder everything in your life so that it is disappointment-free, which sounds exhausting. Instead you have to learn to deal with your disappointment, which sounds doable.” —Corinne Purtill
“Journalists are either artists or investigators, and depending on which one you are you’ll always strive to have the qualities of the other.” —Sophia Smith Galer
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