Thank you for this! I’m in a similar boat to what you’ve described - get my money from working in hospitality part time, get my sense of purpose from writing a novel & community organising, and have made my lifestyle such that I am frugal financially but feel decadent experience-wise (like, getting a hot chocolate and watching ducks in the canal). When I was working full time I was so stressed that frequent holidays, dinners out, and many pints at the pub felt like a necessary balance - if I worked this hard for the money, might as well spend it, right? But choosing to earn less (which is a privilege I’ve had with low rent in an expensive city, no other dependents etc) has given me an ability to be much more present in the moment, listening to my energy levels rather than overriding them, and nurture creative & community work. I actually find it very pleasurable to do (certain kinds of) work for free, knowing that doing so means i’m creating those meaningful connections to my community and to my own desires.
Plus, it’s a pretty good bonus to have days off during the week in a big city and things aren’t crazy busy!
As a scrappy, disabled person who has had to find my way outside of full time work, I think your points on investing in relationships and learning to live with less are spot on.
As someone who became disabled in my mid twenties and had to leave a career as a high school teacher as a result, I went through a period of grieving what I expected my life to be/had been told my life would look like. But on the other side of that grief, I'm actually really happy with the life I've built. There are lots of things that will probably always be out of reach for me (home ownership, expensive travel, completely paying off my student loans without some sort of eventual loan forgiveness, etc.) but I'm genuinely pretty content with my little life. I drive a 20 year old car, mostly shop for clothing at thrift stores, get all of my books at the library, and live with a couple I've been friends with for over a decade.
My living situation in particular is something that is seen as outside of the norm for someone in their 30s, but my friends' generosity in letting me rent a room for very little makes it possible for me to only work part time and get the rest and medical care my disabled body needs. But beyond that, it's been a very mutually beneficial situation that we are all really enjoying! I have weekday availability to help them run errands, they are there for my middle of the night medical emergencies, my housemate and I co-run a neighborhood book club that would be too much for either of us to run alone but has been a total delight, and we all get more time with each other than we would have if we were living separately.
I think it can be hard to imagine a life outside of the script we've been handed, and in some ways I'm grateful for the way my disabilities forced me to reimagine how I wanted to arrange my life. There are lots of ways to live a meaningful life and I'm cheering all of us on who are doing this reimagining work (whether out of necessity, desire, or both)!
When I was 'totally and permanently disabled' - I got my loans discharged with this program. Maybe it'll work for you? No, this isn't a scam/promo/whatever. I understand what you're saying and wanted to point out this program. It saved me a lot of money and gave me some breathing room.
I had finished two grad degrees in four years and had about 130k. Then I was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis and told I had to stop working or I'd find myself in a wheelchair in six months.
I got SSDI and it wasn't enough to cover all of my bills AND pay student loans, so I did the 'hardship deferment' thing while I figured stuff out. NelNet is who was handling this when I did it (maybe they have something similar still?) but while it was three years of annual reporting and forms - it released me from that debt. If you have any questions or whatever, you can DM me.
I think anything that will help people process raw terror, as opposed to high anxiety, will be in demand. This could sit in the artistic / musical space or health and wellbeing space very easily. People are going to need holding, comforting and then help to understand why 'nothing works anymore' with concrete practical steps to go beyond their fears and adapt to change imposed on them by circumstances. The kicker is that it needs to be delivered by people with personal experience of going through those processes who have built something better on the other side.
If you can do that I predict you will have customers.
Hi Rosie, thank you for this supportive and cogent exploration. It resonates for sure. I’m in the position you describe. LinkedIn is beyond depressing. And I’ve just come through weeks of barely breathing, paralyzed by anxiety. I’m feeling a tiny bit better, not because anything on the job front has changed, but because a Bay Area acquaintance came to visit, and I discovered just having another human in the vicinity softens some of the pain of the barb.
Every bit of this resonated, thank you! And I’m so glad you covered spending less and finding meaning in other places. Most of my friends haven’t gone through this reset yet and so they have no idea what I’m talking about 😂
I love this. I’ve needed to live this way for the last six years - since enormous bereavement destroyed my health, and I lost my career as a consequence. I’ve changed the way I deal with money. I’ve picked up small bits of paid work when my health has been good enough. I’ve given myself real space for the desperately slow process of rebuilding the resilience to function. I wrote a memoir - the best book I could write - knowing that it would possibly never see the light of day. And then I sold that memoir (it’ll be out next year). The money from that won’t support me, but it’s all been the next right thing. (The book indeed is mostly about doing the next right thing, a day at a time.)
Being able to work creatively is one of the most important things we can do in dealing with the stresses surrounding everything that is going on in the world right now. When we're 'in the zone' being creative its impossible to feel anxiety (and conversely, sadly, anxiety can prevent us from getting into the zone). There's a lot of people writing now about how we come to terms with collapse (and your substack is one of the best Rosie!) but i don't think enough is written about the power of creativity. Good to see you covering that.
I'm also a freelancer though I mostly work for large businesses. 23 years. I manage the uncertainty by living on less and having regular other activities to keep me busy and fit (volunteer work, hiking groups etc). No way would I go back to FT work!!!
Thank you for articulating what I try to live and breathe in my own freelance life every day, Rosie. I've never heard it so perfectly put, but projects have and do save me. Your husband is a genius! And your point about us freelancers being a little better prepared for these turbulent times gave me great comfort 🤍
I quickly realized I needed to read this one out loud to really hear all of the wisdom presented! I am a new stay-at-home-parent after working a cubicle public health job for county government. While I am not looking for a new job, I am definitely grappling with the trifecta. I've been gone from my job that I had for 4 years for about 6 months now, and have not heard from a single person. It's a little jarring looking back and seeing how expendable I was in hindsight. In my current circumstance, I now have more time and capacity to cultivate more relationships with those I see in my neighborhood and at the coffee shop. I'm living in this uncertain reality right now where finances are tight (one-income household), but I feel more in tune with my values and more connected to my community. Anyways- thank you so much for writing. I appreciate your work.
The idea of spending being more appealing when we’re stressed and overworked is so true. I realized this once when I was thinking about college… how was I so happy with so little money?? The answer, I think - I had community, and I had time.
This beautifully written and came at the right time (I feel less alone now knowing more people are in this similar boat). Loads to think about - thank you!
Absolute, timely wisdom. What happens when we start paying less attention to money, and more to our direct personal and communal needs? A more quiet revolution?
Thank you for this! I’m in a similar boat to what you’ve described - get my money from working in hospitality part time, get my sense of purpose from writing a novel & community organising, and have made my lifestyle such that I am frugal financially but feel decadent experience-wise (like, getting a hot chocolate and watching ducks in the canal). When I was working full time I was so stressed that frequent holidays, dinners out, and many pints at the pub felt like a necessary balance - if I worked this hard for the money, might as well spend it, right? But choosing to earn less (which is a privilege I’ve had with low rent in an expensive city, no other dependents etc) has given me an ability to be much more present in the moment, listening to my energy levels rather than overriding them, and nurture creative & community work. I actually find it very pleasurable to do (certain kinds of) work for free, knowing that doing so means i’m creating those meaningful connections to my community and to my own desires.
Plus, it’s a pretty good bonus to have days off during the week in a big city and things aren’t crazy busy!
So nice to hear how this plays out in your life. Thanks for sharing.
As a scrappy, disabled person who has had to find my way outside of full time work, I think your points on investing in relationships and learning to live with less are spot on.
As someone who became disabled in my mid twenties and had to leave a career as a high school teacher as a result, I went through a period of grieving what I expected my life to be/had been told my life would look like. But on the other side of that grief, I'm actually really happy with the life I've built. There are lots of things that will probably always be out of reach for me (home ownership, expensive travel, completely paying off my student loans without some sort of eventual loan forgiveness, etc.) but I'm genuinely pretty content with my little life. I drive a 20 year old car, mostly shop for clothing at thrift stores, get all of my books at the library, and live with a couple I've been friends with for over a decade.
My living situation in particular is something that is seen as outside of the norm for someone in their 30s, but my friends' generosity in letting me rent a room for very little makes it possible for me to only work part time and get the rest and medical care my disabled body needs. But beyond that, it's been a very mutually beneficial situation that we are all really enjoying! I have weekday availability to help them run errands, they are there for my middle of the night medical emergencies, my housemate and I co-run a neighborhood book club that would be too much for either of us to run alone but has been a total delight, and we all get more time with each other than we would have if we were living separately.
I think it can be hard to imagine a life outside of the script we've been handed, and in some ways I'm grateful for the way my disabilities forced me to reimagine how I wanted to arrange my life. There are lots of ways to live a meaningful life and I'm cheering all of us on who are doing this reimagining work (whether out of necessity, desire, or both)!
When I was 'totally and permanently disabled' - I got my loans discharged with this program. Maybe it'll work for you? No, this isn't a scam/promo/whatever. I understand what you're saying and wanted to point out this program. It saved me a lot of money and gave me some breathing room.
https://studentaid.gov/manage-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/disability-discharge
That's helpful to know about! Thanks for sharing!
I had finished two grad degrees in four years and had about 130k. Then I was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis and told I had to stop working or I'd find myself in a wheelchair in six months.
I got SSDI and it wasn't enough to cover all of my bills AND pay student loans, so I did the 'hardship deferment' thing while I figured stuff out. NelNet is who was handling this when I did it (maybe they have something similar still?) but while it was three years of annual reporting and forms - it released me from that debt. If you have any questions or whatever, you can DM me.
Thank you!
I think anything that will help people process raw terror, as opposed to high anxiety, will be in demand. This could sit in the artistic / musical space or health and wellbeing space very easily. People are going to need holding, comforting and then help to understand why 'nothing works anymore' with concrete practical steps to go beyond their fears and adapt to change imposed on them by circumstances. The kicker is that it needs to be delivered by people with personal experience of going through those processes who have built something better on the other side.
If you can do that I predict you will have customers.
I totally agree! Thanks for this comment
This hit me so hard and gave me so much clarity. Thank you so much.
My husband forwarded this to me and I’m glad he did. I’ve been out of work for 15 months and it’s really hard to keep my head up.
Reading this has helped - given me tips, made me realise that I’m kind of doing some of this stuff already but mostly that I’m not alone!
Thanks for taking the time to put it down in.
Keep going everyone. And remember ‘a project will save you’.
I'm so glad, I wrote it with people like you in mind.
Hi Rosie, thank you for this supportive and cogent exploration. It resonates for sure. I’m in the position you describe. LinkedIn is beyond depressing. And I’ve just come through weeks of barely breathing, paralyzed by anxiety. I’m feeling a tiny bit better, not because anything on the job front has changed, but because a Bay Area acquaintance came to visit, and I discovered just having another human in the vicinity softens some of the pain of the barb.
Every bit of this resonated, thank you! And I’m so glad you covered spending less and finding meaning in other places. Most of my friends haven’t gone through this reset yet and so they have no idea what I’m talking about 😂
Same with many of my friends/contacts! It's part of the reason I wrote this.
I love this. I’ve needed to live this way for the last six years - since enormous bereavement destroyed my health, and I lost my career as a consequence. I’ve changed the way I deal with money. I’ve picked up small bits of paid work when my health has been good enough. I’ve given myself real space for the desperately slow process of rebuilding the resilience to function. I wrote a memoir - the best book I could write - knowing that it would possibly never see the light of day. And then I sold that memoir (it’ll be out next year). The money from that won’t support me, but it’s all been the next right thing. (The book indeed is mostly about doing the next right thing, a day at a time.)
Love this story thank you for sharing! Just had a little peek at your profile and looks like we are on almost exactly the same book timeline :)
Oh, that’s wonderful. I shall be watching out for your updates x
Being able to work creatively is one of the most important things we can do in dealing with the stresses surrounding everything that is going on in the world right now. When we're 'in the zone' being creative its impossible to feel anxiety (and conversely, sadly, anxiety can prevent us from getting into the zone). There's a lot of people writing now about how we come to terms with collapse (and your substack is one of the best Rosie!) but i don't think enough is written about the power of creativity. Good to see you covering that.
It's so true that creativity extinguishes anxiety.
I'm also a freelancer though I mostly work for large businesses. 23 years. I manage the uncertainty by living on less and having regular other activities to keep me busy and fit (volunteer work, hiking groups etc). No way would I go back to FT work!!!
Elegant, timely and filled with very human, thoughtful em dashes: 10/10, as per.
I'm not giving up my fucking em dashes.
As well you shouldn't.
Thank you for articulating what I try to live and breathe in my own freelance life every day, Rosie. I've never heard it so perfectly put, but projects have and do save me. Your husband is a genius! And your point about us freelancers being a little better prepared for these turbulent times gave me great comfort 🤍
I quickly realized I needed to read this one out loud to really hear all of the wisdom presented! I am a new stay-at-home-parent after working a cubicle public health job for county government. While I am not looking for a new job, I am definitely grappling with the trifecta. I've been gone from my job that I had for 4 years for about 6 months now, and have not heard from a single person. It's a little jarring looking back and seeing how expendable I was in hindsight. In my current circumstance, I now have more time and capacity to cultivate more relationships with those I see in my neighborhood and at the coffee shop. I'm living in this uncertain reality right now where finances are tight (one-income household), but I feel more in tune with my values and more connected to my community. Anyways- thank you so much for writing. I appreciate your work.
I first learned a lot of this (or solidified it) when my son was a baby. I write about it in the piece I linked to from last year!
Thank you!! I'm excited to read that one too.
The idea of spending being more appealing when we’re stressed and overworked is so true. I realized this once when I was thinking about college… how was I so happy with so little money?? The answer, I think - I had community, and I had time.
This beautifully written and came at the right time (I feel less alone now knowing more people are in this similar boat). Loads to think about - thank you!
Absolute, timely wisdom. What happens when we start paying less attention to money, and more to our direct personal and communal needs? A more quiet revolution?